…of the final night of shooting for Between The Fall And Rise, I fell in love with the cast and crew of this film.

If you follow me on Facebook, you’ve seen my posts about this project, and about the incredible opportunity I’ve been given to support it through my non-profit, Impact First (IF). 

What I haven’t fully conveyed – really couldn’t, until now – is the story of the remarkable people who are bringing this movie to life, the magical turn of events that brought us together, and how my eyes were opened more than ever to the suffering highlighted in this film.

David Marroquin is the Director, and one of the lead actors in the film. He began his acting studies as a young man, which took him all the way to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London, a journey that was twice interrupted by bouts with cancer. It was after his second round of treatment for cancer that he sought a new career path, and joined the force of the Los Angeles Police Department. 

As an officer for the LAPD, David works a regular beat on Skid Row, where he is face-to-face each day with the heartbreaking effects of substance abuse, homelessness, and suicide.

While on patrol last year, he met a beautiful young woman named Ashley, whom he’d never seen before in the area, and soon discovered that she was addicted to heroin. He saw her two more times, and each time his heart broke a little more to see the effects the drugs had on her, and to also discover that she had no place to live. The weight of those interactions inspired him to use his talents as an actor and director to draw greater awareness to these difficult subjects and the resources for recovery. 

“It has been my experience in getting to know many homeless and addicted individuals that everyone has a story to tell and desperately wants to be loved, validated, and accepted. 

My hope is that this film will bridge the gap that keeps the marginalized in the blind spot of our communities. I hope to inspire people to give back by volunteering their time at local homeless service programs, donating money to programs that have permanent supportive housing, and to increase education about addiction, homelessness, suicide and the critical importance of seeking help.” 

~ David Marroquin

With this vision in mind, David set out to pull together a cast and crew and the funds to begin shooting the film. He found his leading lady in Mary Morales, a wonderful actress, singer, and songwriter. Mary soon enlisted the help of her great friend, Dave Frederick, a veteran camera operator and director of photography for major film and television work, who quickly agreed to bring his exceptional skills to the table.

And they told two people, who told two people, who told two more…and the project was born. 

While David was busy gathering his troops in L.A., I was 1000 miles away in Denver, where I had no sooner launched Impact First that my dream for it was suspended while I went through a divorce from my husband of twenty years. Most days during the next few months it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other, to put my head down and push forward – moving stuff, selling stuff, throwing stuff away – while continually questioning whether I had the energy to not only run my main coaching business, but also do the work I had envisioned for Impact First.

But you know how it is with a dream: when it’s deep and real, you can’t really shake it. It stays with you, and the dream for Impact First stayed with me. I knew I had to be content to let it lie for a while, and have faith that when I was ready to pick up the mantle of that vision again, that I would be led to do the next right thing with it.

I no sooner picked my head up and recommitted to the mission for IF that my long-time friend, Dave Frederick (the aforementioned camera professional), told me about Between The Fall And Rise.

The conversation was simple enough: “Jen,” he said, “I’m working on a film right now that might be a good match for your non-profit.” 

Then he pointed me to the Facebook page for the film, and in no time I knew that this project would be a perfect fit. 

When I dreamed up the non-profit five years ago, I knew I wanted to work with artists who were putting their special talents to work for social good; however, I never imagined that my first opportunity to do so would be with a group of people as gifted, focused, and determined as the ones connected to this film.  

Soon after researching the project, I connected with David Marroquin, and we began to explore the possibilities for collaboration. I was immediately struck by his deeply sincere resolve to tell this story, and became very excited to think of how I might help.

All the while, I knew that Impact First had next-to-no funds to offer. After all, I had just gotten the organization off the ground when I had to put everything on hold. But I also knew that finding this project was no accident, that I would just have to figure out how to get the money together to at least get them through the final filming and editing phase. 

So I reached out to my community on Facebook, and invited people to join a coaching group in which I would shepherd their amazing personal stories into book or blog form, and through that effort, we raised half the money needed for the grant. The other half has come by way of donation from the exceptionally generous people in my network and beyond; people who have been equally moved by the vision for this film. 

Fast forward one short month, and I found myself on the set for the final filming of Between The Fall And Rise, having awarded them a financial grant and project coaching as IF’s first grantee. 

It was a skeleton crew, to say the least, no more than 15 people who gathered at 2 p.m. at The Million Dollar Theater in downtown Los Angeles, and the energy was high and focused as everyone went about their duties for setting up the first shot. 

From the very start, the entire cast and crew embraced me as one of their own, as though it had always been so, and allowed me to help in whatever capacity I could.

They made countless decisions each step of the way to see that they captured the shot just right. And when one was done, they started the process all over again for the next one, and the next, and the next, as afternoon turned to evening, evening into night, on into the wee hours of the morning. 

They worked as a complete team, sharing the credit with each and every person, every time. 

They were tireless, working the growing tension out of their aching bodies and minds by stretching and laughing and hugging and telling jokes, in-between takes.

There was frustration at times, to be sure, but they handled it without complaint or attack. 

They were determined to do the job right, for all the right reasons, and I was captivated by their artistry, their craft, and their heart. 

The theater where we filmed is smack in the middle of an area of L.A. that provides a steady parade of people suffering the ravages of addiction, mental illness, and homelessness; I was overwhelmed by the close and concentrated view of their pain, and very mindful of how my own past abuses could easily have taken me down the same devastating path were it not for the grace of my recovery, grace which has brought me full circle to this chance to help tell their story.

We wrapped filming at 2 a.m., and it took about two more hours to settle in and decompress. When the effects of the day finally caught up with me, I slept like a baby until it was time to fly home, then dragged myself into my apartment, feeling more physically spent and emotionally fulfilled than I have in a very long time. 

I awoke the next day more determined than ever to help this project across the finish line and beyond, for the sake of whom we might serve in the process. 

This extraordinary group of people is taking on very difficult subjects, and treating them with the utmost respect, knowing that any awareness raised through the final cut of the movie can change someone’s life for the better, forever.

I know they’ve changed mine. 

How you can help:

If you feel moved to join these amazing artists in raising awareness on the crippling effects of addiction and homelessness, and the resources for recovery and healing, please consider contributing to the film’s Indiegogo campaign to gather the final funds needed to complete this project.

(In case the link doesn’t work, please cut and paste http://www.tinyurl.com/bfarcampaign into your browser)

You can also help spread the word by “liking” and sharing their page on Facebook. 

Every bit of encouragement, enthusiasm, and financial aid will help – please join me in offering whatever support you can.

Much love & gratitude,

Jen

I’ve found that as compelling as the story is of my continued sobriety (going on 28 years now), the real power in it is all the people in that time who have seen more potential and possibility for me than I could see for myself.

Who have loved me till I could love myself.

Who have insisted that I dream a little, stretch a lot, and ask more powerful questions of myself, such as, “What if…?”, as in:

“Jenifer, what if you’re way more capable than you give yourself credit for?”

“Jenifer, what if you had no fear, what would you do, where would you go, and why?”

“Jenifer, what if you looked at this challenge from an entirely different perspective than what you’re used to?”

And my favorite,

“Jenifer, what if you fully developed your talents for the sake of whom you might serve?”

They—my mentors, teachers, coaches, and sponsors—asked these questions of me again and again, urging me to try, helping me to document my results; insisting that I notice what comes of turning my mind to service, and to rely more and more on making my decisions from that place.

So I have. And it’s been hard. And it’s been joyous and challenging and cool.

And, it’s led to some very fulfilling careers in the last twenty years: I’ve been a successful franchise owner, run multi-million dollar territories in financial services, and for the last ten years, have been a coach, author, and trainer on the principles for living a life of joy and purpose.

All of which has now culminated in an opportunity to give back to the world in a very big way with the formation of my non-profit, Impact First (which of course, abbreviates to IF).

The idea for this organization has been on my mind for four years, and finally, in August of this year, I started taking all the necessary legal and financial steps to establish it as a non-profit.

Now it’s time to officially let the world know what we’re up to, starting with you:

Our Mission

Impact First is a non-profit that provides grants, training, and coaching to people who are putting their individual talents to use for social good.

These people are writers, musicians, artists, and documentarians. They are teachers and doctors and lawyers. They are young and old, all with special talents, all intent on using those skills for the benefit of others.

To support IFs mission, I have turned my core business, Clear Vision Coaching, into a social enterprise, one which donates 10% of its top line proceeds to Impact First, and uses my extensive expertise as a trainer and coach to provide the curriculum for our Impact First (IF) Fellowship Grant

Here’s the nutshell version of how it works for me:

First I had to get to a point where being loving and useful was my biggest priority. That only happened (for me) once I had exhausted everyone (including myself) with the weight of my self-centeredness.

Being so self-serving for so long was a miserable existence, and when I finally got sick and tired of it, I tried living in service to others and almost instantly found relief, so I kept at it until that became the driving principle in my life.

Making that shift didn’t eliminate my fears; there’s just less time for them now.

I use a daily process of analyzing the “who, what, where, when, and how” of being loving and useful, noticing what might hold me back from it, and strategizing how to manifest the former and break through the latter.

How?

• I define and engage with what matters; avoid or eliminate what doesn’t.
• I spend more time cultivating hope; less time indulging fear.
• I get more attached to making a difference; less attached to how I look in the process.

How?

I do it through journals, prayer, meditation, reading, more writing, talking, scheduling, doing, analyzing, tracking, and duplicating what works.

Not all at once, mind you, not every moment of every day, and definitely not perfectly, but certainly enough these days to feel more hope than fear.

That is my wish for you: that you define how you want to grow in love and usefulness, lay out a strategy for how to do so, enlist the help of those who share your quest, go after it with all your might, and find yourself making more of an impact than you ever dreamed of.

The formula is pretty simple:

We start by identifying what your current story is, for better or for worse.

(Our “story” is what we tell ourselves is right, true, or possible, and whatever that is, we owe it to ourselves to examine it for falsehoods.)

It doesn’t matter where the story came from; what went before is history, and only useful if you are determined to learn from it to better your present and future.

What matters is what the story is today, and whether it supports your highest good.

I’ve spent some time recently speaking to people about rewriting their “money story.”

So often people say things like, “I’m terrible with money,” and then go on to prove how true that is with their thoughts, language, and actions.

The amazing thing is, if you want the story to be “I’m great with money,” then the same steps apply—you declare that identity in present-day terms, as though it’s already so, then shift your thoughts, language, and actions to align with it.

You do this over and over, until the new story comes true.
(Click here for my presentation at the 5 Rings Financial women’s Expo on how to re-write your money story)

Try it: pick a category of your life that really needs improvement, and write a new statement that represents how you’d like to see yourself, as though it’s already so.

Example:
“I am in excellent physical condition, making great choices about what I eat, and exercising regularly.”

Then, choose 3 action steps to align with that statement. In this example, that might be to plan your meals for the day, decide what you will do to exercise, and share the plan with someone who supports your success.

Schedule those action items, complete them, and be sure to celebrate while you’re at it (not just when you finish).

You’re always writing your life story, with your thoughts, words, and deeds; let’s be sure it tells the tale you really want it to.

No questions, no open dialogue; just a flood of recrimination for how I was handling the situation.

Upon reading the email, I did not go straight to compassion and understanding, as I might teach. Honestly, I was initially pretty angry at her lack of understanding, her seeming desire to make me feel bad, and the absence of any willingness on her part to find a solution to her frustrations.

However, I remembered fairly quickly that my “job” was to reply without being guilty of the same behavior. Since I choose not to go through life in a self-righteous tizzy anymore (which is not to say that I don’t still have my moments), I had to take a breath, and reply to her concerns honestly and directly, and invite further discussion should she care to engage.

I am clear that I can’t meet self-righteous indignation with more of the same; it just leaves everyone feeling worse than when they started, and shuts down any possibility of a solution. This is still sometimes hard for me to do, but I’m grateful that I know how to, and that I have the willingness and the discipline to do so.

If I am to rise above petty annoyances, I have to expand my capacity for that by asking challenging questions of myself in the face of these frustrations, like “What would be the most compassionate response possible here?” Once I determine the answer, I must then be ready to apply it if I am to grow.

So I offered possible answers, (as though she had asked for them), and opened the door to talking through the situation. I can’t chase her down and make her want any of this; I can only offer it, and let go of any expectations of whether she accepts it.

If nothing else, the situation helped me find compassion for my own struggles, and a true appreciation for my progress in this area. I’m not perfect at it, by any means, but I’m sure grateful that the amount of time between my knee-jerk reactions and more evolved responses has shortened dramatically.

That I can claim “evolved responses” at all is the true miracle, considering how I was before I learned to manage my mind and my conduct for more positive effect.

No matter where I go, I hear the same story of want: we want love, we want a sense of belonging; we want to be seen, heard, understood, and appreciated.

And there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with all this wanting except to the degree that it takes precedence over giving, specifically of the very things I just mentioned.

It is in giving that we receive, right?

But the other story I hear – a lot – is that people don’t really think they have much to give. They often think they have to have this big, Mother Theresa-like goal to really be of service.

We often don’t realize that it can be just as powerful to give a listen, a knowing look, or a nod of understanding; we sometimes forget just how much our sincere and loving spirit alone can elevate another.

As one who travels fairly frequently to new places, I can certainly attest to the difference it makes to be met with such grace and openness.

In each city I’ve visited with my books and workshops, the kindest souls have reached out, connected with me, and served up their special brand of hospitality, and it has meant the world to this weary (yet delighted) traveler that they have gone out of their way to make me feel so welcome.

Their simple acts of kindness – service at its best, if you ask me – stay with me long after we’ve met, because they are now in my heart. The mere memory of their energy and enthusiasm fuels my own, which I then pass on to the next people I meet, which they will hopefully do in turn, and so on, and so on.

Never underestimate the vast power of your goodness.

I wish I could tell you that some out-of-body experience that night helped me see how pathetic and desperate I was, but I can’t. It wasn’t even the worst night I’d ever had. It was just another Saturday night in the life of a coke addict and alcoholic.

There was no part of me then that said, “I should really stop this craziness.”

Nor was there any rational thoughts of change the morning after I was so drunk that I fell over a toy poodle in someone’s kitchen, falling face first onto the stone tile floor, which knocked me out and blackened my eyes for the next two weeks. That’s what dark sunglasses are for, right?

Unfortunately, I could go on and on with similar stories of shame, but I’ll save those for my memoir. Suffice it to say, I suffered greater and greater humiliation at the hands of my addiction for another three years before I finally got clean and sober. And recovery didn’t come from some enlightened will of my own; it was a divine concert of grace and opportunity that led me to it. I had simply become willing—finally—to be led away from the particular hell that my life had become.

Now, almost 27 years later, my life is peaceful, fulfilling and full of joy: in that time, I have owned and run multi-million dollar companies, become a published author, developed deeply satisfying relationships with my friends and family, enjoyed the love of my exceptional husband for more than 20 years and given back to my community as a mentor to at-risk youth, entrepreneurs and people in recovery.

Nothing about my past life pointed toward these possibilities. Nor did I have the capacity early in sobriety to dream about my future; I just wanted to get away from who I was, and what I had done.

So at what point did my sobriety go from being about the horror I was trying to get away from to the brilliant life I was moving toward?
It happened when I finally believed that I was worth saving, not just that others believed it. That came from showing up for support—again and again—and hearing the same, predictable platitudes—again and again—about “one day at a time” and “this too shall pass” and “let go and let God” and a hundred others just like these. And people wouldn’t stop talking about the progress in their life from following these directions, so I finally started listening.

After hearing came contemplation, and from contemplation came application and action. From that action came freedom, a bit at a time, then joy. By focusing more and more on our similarities than our differences, on solutions instead of problems, I finally saw the great human potential that is in each of us, not just in those who seemed more worthy of it.

Here’s what I know today:

You can make it in spite of your past, or because of it – the choice is yours.
You can be driven by what you want to get away from, or by what you want to gain—either motivation can get you somewhere better.
You will rarely choose what’s practical, or a “should”; you will shift and accomplish great things in your life because some imperative of the social, relative, professional, moral, or spiritual variety has dictated that you must.

My “musts” have changed—they went from “must stop puking, shaking, and crying” to “must grow and serve others,” and my results have changed accordingly. Figure out your “musts”: the things you must do, the person you must be, the ways in which you must serve, in all areas of your life. Let these drive you, and your life will unfold in miraculous ways.

Jenifer’s article was posted on The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet

Actually, I’m a little overwhelmed by the tasks necessary to moving everything over to this new website, but “this too shall pass.”

I’m very excited to gather everything in one place, all the writing, workshops, etc.

So here we go, I’ll keep working to pull it all together, and like everything else in my life, it will be a lovely little work in progress.

(A little Nina Simone in the background while I work sure helps. ;)